11/13/10

Ever just want to take whatever you have in your hands at any given moment and murder someone in a close proximity to you? That's how I feel. Right. Now. I'd like to take this keyboard, walk into that room, and smash that boy's face in with it. A minute ago, I wanted to take my fork and turn a fraction to the left and murder that woman with it. But don't call me crazy. You would too if you lived in the same GODDAMN house as them. For fuck's sake, I can't stand living here. Today, my parents cleaned. Most of the day was spent clearing out drawers and cabinets full of "meaningful" trinkets. While many of these trinkets were salvaged and will probably be used in the near future, I still find the endeavor meaningless. Oh, and my phone broke. For some reason, broken technology frustrates the balls off of me. Oh, and I'm sick to a terrible extent. I swear I almost passed out stepping out of the shower this morning. I kind of hate life right now. Fucking bitches.

11/10/10

I haven't posted on this blog in a while, and I wasn't really planning to post anytime soon. A friend of mine suggested it a couple of days ago, however. Biggest fan. Anyway, biggest news today was report cards. While I am not necessarily proud of my grades this "interim," I don't deem them worthy of punishment like my parents do. A 3.5 is more than acceptable, and a C is average. Not that I condone mediocrity, but being average is hardly a cause for alarm. Heh. Ironically, this reminds me of a story we read in English class having something to do with the media causing high expectations. Now all I have to do is make a choice. (I'm terrible at committing to choices.) Do I go along with my parents wishes and work hard and make good grades and say excuse me when I leave the table or do I rebel? Do I show that their supposed parental instinct and intuition is actually a cause for my lack of work ethic, that their things and objects and crises make it HARDER for me to make of this household what I want, a constant in my oh-so-complicated equation filled with variables? We'll see. I find looking at facebook entertaining when people like "lyric stati" for the sake of looking cool, because they think they know the FUCKING SONG. I mean, I could post a lyric with the exact same meaning as some mainstream pop-song and two minutes later I would have to delete it so as to not seem like a loser. It makes me sick, the lack of justice in modern society. Do you think a person who hears a song and claims to "know" the band deserves credit more than an honest boy? And yes, I am talking about myself. I      
want my bands to have commercial success, but I definitely don't want their purpose diminished down by shallow girls with quick typing hands! I wish I had a job, (money, rather) a distinct goal (without being so close-mindedly brainwashed as the kids that put "success" on such a high pedestal), and just a little more control over a little bigger chunk of the universe. Not too much to ask.

10/22/10

Well my experience at the Orthopedics center was strange. First off, they made me change into one of those patient-robe things. I put it on backwards. Then they lay me down in a (quite comfortable) rolling bed. It was in that bed that I spent most of my conscious time. Several nurses, anesthesiologists, and orderlies came and spoke to me, all asking practically the same questions. "How did you hurt your wrist?" "Are you allergic to anything?" "Have you eaten anything today?" "Do you take medicine?". The best part was the drugs. In order: IV sedative, relaxation shot, IV anesthesia, anesthesia via breathing mask (I was unconscious for this part), pain shot, and a pain pill. I think  my heart rate slowed to about half the average. It was amazingly relaxing. I woke up, still robed, with an extremely uncomfortable and inconvenient bicep-length cast on. It still hurts, and I'm not exaggerating. It's going to be on for about a week and a half. Then another cast for about 2 weeks. Then a splint-ish thing for about 3 weeks. What a wonderful chapter of my life I've just entered.

10/21/10 (Girl Rant, essentially.)

The cute girl clique pisses me off. They're all the same, but suppose they're different from everyone else. Subsequently, this leads to a little clique of intertwining cliques that don't believe in cliques. They all wear their white shirts and floral skirts, or sizable sweaters and jeans. They all love Zooey Deschnael and jjuuuust want to "be themselves!" They all think they have an "original" taste in music "don't give a fuck." They all think they're living their little teenage lives to just have fun and hope to find love someday. They all try to be bohemian, follow trends and say that trends are pointless. They all think their sarcasm and stolen wit is clever and funny. They all "live their lives for summer" and hate school. They all hate ignorant people but ignore their own lack of honesty. The funny thing is, a good analogy for them is the Gorgon Sisters. They all share the same eye and the same mouth. But see these Gorgon Sisters are also the witch from Hansel and Gretel. They'll lure you in with their fucking candy and you will be blind to their patterns and habits. They all complain about their sucky days, but all their days are sucky for the same reasons. This clique needs to just open their eyes a bit and I need to stop dating one of them.

10/21/10 (Funny Games review, essentially)

Funny Games is, essentially, a bloody brilliant movie. A long, drawn-out list of adjectives to describe it are: clever, subtle, demented, twisted, twisting, simply confusing (not SIMPLY confusing but confusing in a simple manner,) surprising. To begin with, the opening scene is just to capture the attention of the audience (namely teens who think they're better, and families who think they're brave.) Switching suddenly and brutally from classical to screamo music, one could almost jump. In this opening scene was an example of some interesting camerawork, the camera being fixed to some focus point of attention rather than the character speaking in the scene. This is not only just some experimental point-of-view playing but also a way to fit in voice-overs seamlessly. It happens several time during the film, the focus being somewhere other than the face of the speaker. Now THAT was just a little thing I noticed. The movie plays with the human conscience, demanding sympathy for the family but identity with the killers. The scene where they left made me just critically anticipating when they would get back and finish their bet. During that scene, I found it funny how the family would try to busy themselves with trivial tasks like drying their cell phone with a hairdryer or putting a blanket over their dead kid. THIS also surprised me, the order in which they killed all of the members of the family. The cliche wouldn't be to kill the little kid first, but save him so that the audience still had this little teddy bear to look after. The movie is also ripe with foreshadowing, the most prominent one being the connection between the game of golf hinted at in the start and the games the boys play with the family. "Funny Games." And they sure were funny. I found myself laughing at their wit, agonizing politeness, and easily-provoked retaliation. I mean the man slaps you in the face, you break his leg with a golf club. Makes sense in a way. they planned things out well enough to entertain both themselves and the people behind the fourth wall (which they broke repeatedly) but still succeed in winning their bet. The analogy I can best use is the killers being magneto, the family being teenagers, and the movie being a metal chess set. And they still played the game. More little things I noticed were the verbal and physical symbology, physical being the golf ball, eggs, and knife and the main verbal one being "don't fall asleep". "Don't fall asleep" is somewhat ironic, the movie having several unnecessarily long scenes in which almost nothing is developed. But the audience is encouraged not to sleep, because even a blink and they might miss something (like the killing of the wife,) which happens in less than a second. The facial expressions and body positions are exactly the same before and after the murder. And the scene in which the boy was murdered was quick too, however slightly anticipated. The man enters the kitchen, gets food, and gunshots and screams are heard. Playing with the emotions and expectations of the audience, they are left to wonder who it was that was killed first. Now I feel this blog has been long enough, seeing as how it is unlikely to be read by ANYONE, but I'd like to touch on my favorite scene, the one with the remote. Funny and out-of-place, this scene is actually ripe with foreshadowing, being somewhat revealed after the gun was fired in the form of a rewind. The 2 things I noticed the killer saying that I found extremely clever were "now that the we've done the trial run" and "say it backwards." the trial run referring to the first time they went through that scene, and backwards referring to the rewind. BLOODY. FUCKING. BRILLIANT.

10/21

A narcissistic old man told me today that there is something wrong with my bones. I spent 2 hours in the hospital just to be x-rayed and told I need to go in again tomorrow. The lack of efficiency was comforting, but not inefficient enough. I missed all my fun class and still made it back in time to have to take my Math quiz. For this quiz, I forgot almost all of the prior knowledge I needed, due to what one may refer to as "distractions," namely a broken arm, shifting home life, and emotional instability. Now, my success in school is still important to me, as it is to any other child raised in a country that isn't 3rd-world, communist, or area completely cut off from communication with a country like my own. I believe that if one's entire species is to move on as a whole, they first have to understand, to their fullest extent, their current surroundings. Humanity's comparatively delayed evolution is difficult to hate, seeing as humanity is the furthest evolved of all the races on our planet. Humans have evolved so far, in fact, that we are starting to TRY to appreciate nature more wholesomely, although this is just a product of our own narcissism. What I mean by this is that humanity has come so far on the shoulders of its surroundings that we are trying to "give back," although the goals of such environmentalists are so far-fetched that I don't see any possible success in our attempts to harmonize with the earth. The earth is, in fact, so small that one's own prosperity seems to be the only sensible goal, prosperity being the mental and physical evolution of the human race. But enough about that. The AR test on The Chosen was easy enough, and the end of the book itself was interesting.  We had another of Ms. Willis's silly little discussions in class today, in which all the particiPANTS were shy and dishonest, as per usual. Ivan told me on the bus that he would like to smoke at my house next weekend, and I find that to be a fantastic idea, if I can convince my parents to let me stay home alone. Spirit week (not to be confused with Spirit DAY) is next week, and the only costume I really have planned is for Dynamic Duo day, which is a Danny/Reuven duo with Michael. Spirit week, as in spirits (a play on the activity's Halloween-themed rules) is fun, in a sort of pathetic way. Thinking of Spirit Week, I realized that any class can be practically the best as long as they all unite under one set of ideals. For example, Class of '13 would be excellent if it were known unanimously as the "not giving a fuck" class. Which would be perfect. Or the less-impressive, more realistic "Overly Determined class." Excuse me while I go watch the famous, fucked-up, fourth-wallless, fairy film, Funny Games (American Version). Toodloo

10/20/2010

People's teenage dreams of superiority stemmed from angst seem to be more apparent to me now. Discussions with Madie and Jaime have strengthened my belief that, despite all our different perspectives, we all want to be somewhat different. Special. But this shared belief makes us all pretty much the same. Not that I'm saying we're all bad people, or the opposite. We're all just ants when compared to the world, but the world is just a speck of dust when compared to our universe. People don't seem to understand that, especially me. I need to be more solid in my resolve, whether choosing to dismiss the world's problems as trivial or choosing to help the world with its problems in every way I can, leading a "fulfilling" life and somewhat establishing some messed up form of justice. On a smaller scale, the splint on my wrist has lead to a desire to do more with my hands, whether it being schoolwork or incessant BLOGGING. Today was a vyvanse day, so I learned and read alot compared to most days. Tomorrow will bring a Doctor's appointment and (If I'm unlucky enough,) an AR test on The Chosen. I keep thinking about how smart Mark Zuckerberg was and I'm gaining respect for his justified douchebagerry. I didn't text Gabi today, and it's quite relieving. Blogging is somewhat new and somewhat fun.